When It Rains, It Pours

As I write this, I am cuddled up on the couch with Dorito, trying not to cough my lungs up...

I came down with a nasty cough and a 102 fever the morning after Adam's mom was admitted into the hospital. Thankfully, she was discharged Thursday evening and Adam was able to come home to finally get some rest... or so we thought. Around 1am, I had severe stomach pain that woke me up out of a deep sleep. It hurt so much that I felt like I was going to vomit, so I got up to go to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, however, I realized the situation felt all too familiar (I passed out from the same pain about a year and a half ago). I decided to go back to bed, but it was too late. I woke up on the floor and Adam got up to find me there. I got a good size knot on my head, bruise on my elbow and my neck is pretty stiff.

I feel bad for Adam, more than anything else, as he's had to deal with his mom and now me... when it rains, it pours, right?

Friday, my neck continued to get worse throughout the day. I couldn't turn my head, or even talk, without my neck hurting horribly. I had Adam take me to the ER on Saturday morning. The CT of my head/neck came back normal, thankfully. They did confirm that I have Flu B and a neck strain (whiplash). I'm so grateful it wasn't worse! 

Both Jadyn and Adam have been taking such amazing care of me. Making sure I'm well fed and keeping me entertained. At this point, I just really hope neither of them (or my in-laws) catch the flu from me. And I'm hoping I can make a full recovery sooner rather than later. 

DVT and hospital stay

Adam's mom finally had her leg scanned this morning, after having a swollen left leg for several weeks, and unfortunately, she has a DVT. After some blood work, it showed her D-dimer extremely high, so they scanned her lungs, and she also has a PE. She was sent to the hospital for IV Heparin and an overnight stay, to be monitored. Due to her state of mind, Adam is having to stay in the hospital with her tonight. There's something about watching your husband sit at his mother's bedside, caring for her, that makes you even more attracted to him... or maybe that's just me. Tonight, I'm praying for a swift recovery for his mom, and for peace to come over Adam, as I know he is overwhelmed. 

2020 recap

I rang in the New Year at a Swing Dance that I host at my church. We did a "Roaring Twenties" theme - it was so much fun and it was a great turn out! 

                                                      

      

                                                                                             

2019 recap

For my 27th birthday, my friend Bethany planned a night at a hotel, where we could swim, eat, drink and hang out, just the two of us. Upon arriving, I was greeted by several of my friends! She really pulled off the surprise and it was so much fun!

                                                                                             

Graduate

Growing up, I struggled through school.  Like, sit at the kitchen table for several hours straight (not getting anywhere) and bawl my eyes out while my mom did everything in her power to help me learn/retain things (she's a saint, btw).

You see, I'm dyslexic, I have insane test anxiety, and I am an extremely slow learner; however, I didn't know about the dyslexia until I was in high school.  As a child I felt dumb and pathetic and knew I would never attend college. 

During high school, things did get easier for me.  I essentially learned how to teach myself.  I would read my papers/assignments, etc. out loud as if I were teaching someone else.  But if someone was actually listening to me, I couldn't keep my focus and would get so nervous that I'd stutter over my words, and then of course I would feel even more stupid.  Sometimes it took a week to get through a single page, and other times I flew through an entire chapter in one day.
Despite struggling, I actually thoroughly enjoyed high school.  I felt like I was conquering something huge! And then I graduated.  I was sad because I loved learning new things. But I also knew that I couldn't attend college. 

I was afraid to fail.

Fast forward a few years (there will be another post coming about these years), and I did, in my mind, the unthinkable.  I applied to a local community college.  I took entrance exams.  I signed up for classes.  And I refused to go through the disabilities program for help (I wanted to prove to myself what I could really do on my own). 

There were some semesters that I only took one or two classes and felt like it was too much, and then there were others where I took up to five classes at once!  I was overwhelmed.  I puked before, during and after every written exam (this is probably under exaggerated).  I just kept praying that I would get grades at least high enough to graduate. I never looked at final grades. I just asked my professors if I passed or not.  I just needed to get by.  But I definitely lost hope easily.

And then I got a letter.  This letter was from the dean of my school during my third semester... at just about the same time I felt like a failure and wanted to quit.  It stated that I had a 4.0 gpa and asked if I would consider tutoring struggling students once a week...
What?!  This was impossible in my mind. Didn't he know I was a struggling student?  Did he know how much a threw up during my exams? Or how many nights I went to bed crying without finishing my homework? Clearly he was looking at someone else's transcript.     

That letter gave me more than hope, though.  It gave me determination.  I wasn't just going to graduate.  I was going to be an honor student. 

And I did it.  I graduated college... with honors! 

I can thank Jesus, my family, boyfriend and professors for all of it.  They were always encouraging.

I'm not saying I don't have (a LOT of) doubts, stress, uncertainty, or that I never feel stupid or like a failure anymore.  But this accomplishment has definitely given me more confidence. 

So much so, that I am going back to school again.  If I fail, I fail. But, would it actually be failure to try?

The Election Is Over, Now Pray!

This will be a relatively short post, because honestly there isn't too much that needs to be said at this point.

This election was extremely divisive. Way too much time has been devoted to negativity and we need to turn towards a more positive perspective. Right now.

As Christ followers, our leader has not changed.

Wait, let me repeat that: As Christ followers, our leader has not changed!

The election of a new president does not impact who we ultimately follow. No matter what side of the political fence you are on, as Christians we are called to pray for our leaders. You don't have to like Donald J. Trump. However, God commands us to obey the laws of the land and to be respectful to our country's leader. Period. We are reminded in Proverbs 21:1 that God can change the hearts of kings. Reminding us of the heavy weight of responsibility the President has, we must be praying for him! I, like many Americans, really, really, really (did I say that enough?), really dislike Trump. BUT, he is our president now and I will respect him. And believe it or not, God Can Work Regardless Of Who Is President! Throughout history God has always been at work, in spite of all the different types of government policies and awful leadership failures.

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you!" Matthew 5:44

Have you ever legitimately prayed for God to let you die?

This post is difficult for me to write and is going to be quite lengthy, so bear with me please!

Two years ago, I rode a roller coaster at Kings Island (the Beast), and from that moment on my life changed forever. I woke up a few days after riding the coaster, to excruciating pain shooting down my lower back, buttocks and left leg, all the way down to my foot (for those of you who’ve experienced sciatic pain, you know what I’m talking about). I freaked out, tried to get out of bed, and immediately fell to the floor. I couldn’t put pressure on my left side. My foot was useless and my knee felt like it was going be crushed under my own weight.

I forced myself to get up and go to work. I truly thought I had slept wrong and that the feeling would
come back/pain would go away, once I got up and moved around. I was at work all of an hour before
leaving. I called my mom crying, asking what I should do. I called several doctors (I didn’t have a primary care doctor at the time, and it was going to take weeks to get one, since I’d be a new patient) and all of them told me to come in, in 2-5 weeks. I couldn’t wait that long. So I called a local chiropractor, who was able to work me in, in the matter of hours. I had x-rays which showed that I possibly had a slipped disc, but they thought it was just a pinched nerve. I returned the next day for an adjustment. Oh my goodness, did it do wonders! I immediately had relief from my knee down and I was able to walk normally again. But I had to give up running, dancing, snowboarding and even watching movies, anything and everything that would cause irritation to my back. 
I had chiropractic adjustments 3 days a week for about 5 months and then things just weren’t helping
anymore.
I had a MRI shortly after, which showed that I had 3 lumbar discs and 2 cervical discs bulging 60%, spinal stenosis, and osteoarthritis. They promptly started me on decompression therapy to place the discs back in, which actually made it worse. I had back spasms constantly after that. I finally gave in to have injections into my back, to help with the inflammation/pain. The first one made things worse,
but the second one helped calm my spasms down enough for me to have the decompression therapy. It worked! The discs went back into place, for the most part. They still slipped out on occasion, but so long as I kept going to the Chiropractor, PT and massage therapist, I was surviving.

Then, for whatever reason, I began having even worse pain than before. The doctors couldn’t figure it
out! I continued with all of my therapies, but nothing seem to help. I was losing hope. The pain I was experiencing, combined with the everyday stress of school, work, my family’s situation, and the medical bills that were constantly pouring in, put me into a downward spiral for several months (11, to be exact), where I cried out to God every moment of every day, praying He would just take me home. I complained about the pain to my friends/family to the point that some of them were annoyed with me, and some flat out told me to stop. So I did. I was hurt that nobody understood or seemed to care. I became a hermit. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. Everyone made me upset. Nobody understood what I was going through. I became a bitter person and I felt sorry for myself.

I’m humiliated to admit that I was angry with God too, and that I just wanted to die. I could not understand why doctors weren’t able to fix me. I could not understand why this was happening to me. I would tell myself that there are people out there who have it much, much worse than I do. But eventually, it didn’t seem to matter. I wanted God to take me home.

I saw a therapist, who put me on anti-depressants. She told me it was okay to not understand. She told me it was okay to be upset. She told me not to give up.

The anti-depressants worked to get me out of the constant crying, but it wasn’t a permanent fix, and I knew that.

I began reading my Bible again, crying out to God for forgiveness and asking people for their prayer. And God provided for me greatly – I was in so much medical debt, I didn’t know what to do. But friends and family and sometimes strangers, started helping out, most times without me ever saying a word! My professors showed mercy on me, when it came to being late to classes, because I couldn’t sit in a car for more than 5 minutes (I legitimately stopped at every gas station to get out and walk). God was looking out for me even though I was angry with Him.

Unfortunately, 6 months later, I woke up to have severe pain in my left hand. My middle and index finger were completely numb. I was so panicked that I immediately went to the Urgent care, who then sent me to a specialist that day. Turns out, I have carpal tunnel syndrome – I honestly didn’t really know what it was until now, but goodness it’s painful!
While at the Urgent Care, I think the lady felt sorry for me, reading through all of my issues, and she prescribed me an anti-inflammatory medication. And boy, am I so thankful for her!!!

That medication has given me my life back! And this is coming from a girl who is anti-medication! I still can't go running, snowboard or play frisbee, but I can finally dance again, and I can sit and watch an entire movie without severe pain. Why none of the other doctors thought to put me on anti-inflammatory's for my arthritis before, I will never know. The combination of meloxicam and staying active/physical thereapy, I feel like a whole new person!

Shortly after getting on the medication, a lady at work came up and I will never forget her words to me. She said “Alicia, your smile is back and I can see your joy again!” I asked her what she means and she told me that she’s been so worried about me, because I hadn’t been smiling or talking to anyone at work like I always had.   My heart sank, knowing I let satan use pain to destroy my witness. I am humbled to know that God is God, and always will be. He loves me. He will always care for me, even in my darkest hour.

So now, with all my experience with back/neck/hand pain, and being in physical therapy. I want to go to school to become a physical therapist assistant! I feel like since I can relate to people who also have chronic pain, I will be better suited in helping them overcome it.